Words

If you've been reading my past blogs - you know I'm walking through some humbling, killing of my pride times. And while I know its good, it hurts. But, knowing that Christ will be more glorified makes it worth it...

So, in this weeks One Year Bible reading, the Proverbs has challenged me. Proverbs 14:3 and 7:
3- "A fool’s proud talk becomes a rod that beats him,
but the words of the wise keep them safe."
7- "Stay away from fools,
for you won’t find knowledge on their lips."

BIG SIGH!

My proud talk is too often that rod that is beating me... Why are my words not wise?

I know God is doing something here in me, growing me, maturing me as his child because over the past few months this has been an area I've prayed about and yet I still feel like I fall in it too often.

And in verse 7, Its not that I feel like I'm hanging around "fools" but that I let myself act like one sometimes. I pray so much that this wouldn't be so... that knowledge would be all that is on my lips!  That I'd have no need to say anything that isn't true, honorable, right, pure and lovely!!

I can only remember to be thankful that the Lord is so full of love and grace for me that He shows me these things to refine me and grow me. That I will die to my flesh and let Him live through me.

We will Serve the Lord!

Joshua 24:14-15 (New Living Translation)
 ¹⁴ “So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. ¹⁵ But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”

I love this verse, I love the speech Joshua is giving to the people of Israel. He presents them with a choice, the same choice we have today! Will I serve God, or will I serve the world, money, sin, etc... But he says - CHOOSE today - as in, Make up your mind now - and either choose to serve or God, or choose something. As an extremely indecisive person I can relate to how making decisions makes me nervous or anxious. I do not like making big decisions, but here he is demanding they choose. He has just finished reminding them of all the amazing things God has brought them through - all the ways He has rescued them from their enemies and brought them to the promised land! So, their choice should be easy - right? Choose to serve God!

I wonder sometimes though, how easy it looks for us too. When I think about ALL that God has done for me, the incredible, uncountable ways he has blessed me and rescued me - how could I not serve Him alone? What an encouragement though, to think back over the ways God has shown his amazing love for me and then joyfully serve Him through any circumstance. Brother David said that happiness depends on my happenings... which is so neat to explain it that way, but God has given us a deep joy - that through whatever, we can serve Him! 

I can get so tempted to serve something else. To better myself or feel like I deserve praise. How crazy... my flesh is weak, but thankful the Holy Spirit in me conquers that flesh and kills it. My prayer lately has been for a humbleness... a humility - a brokenness before God. "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Romans 12:3 (NIV)" To think of myself in sober judgment, not more than I am... to be so humble. And Praise God, He is answering that prayer and its beautiful. Its so beautiful and freeing to be His servant, and not whatever I think I'm supposed to be or should deserve to be! I deserve nothing, but by His grace, I'm His beloved! And I will serve Him for all of my days.

Encouragment!

If you follow my other blog, you probably already saw some of these photos, but this will be more about the neatness behind them

Today - I came to work in a bad mood. Even on the way to work I was reminding myself to not let the enemy steal my joy. Well, he was robbing me. I've been so discouraged about work. Nothing bad is happening and its fine. It really is... I'm just having these panics of "is this what i want to do with my life", etc...

So, I'm in a bad mood - work is unusually busy and stressful. Then, my boss suprises me with "Happy National Admin Day"... What? I thought those were jokes! Nope. And, as an Admin - they took me lunch and gave me pretty flowers!!

My prayer every day has been, "Lord, I pray for wisdom and guidance for whatever plans you have for me ..." I've been trying to figure out if I should go to nursing school, or teach Marketing, or stay with Medtronic forever, or not work!! (I'd prefer the last option, we'll see...) And, I feel like these flowers, and this day - was not accidently placed in the middle of me praying hard about this... but an encouragement. I'm still not sure it means I have to stay with Medtronic forever, but I am enjoying it for now! And that is all I'm to do.

A call to Anguish.

Watch this video

Our Pastor played this video for us last. There isn't really a whole lot I can even write about... Just watch it.

Its messing me up though. Its messing me up. Its beautiful - its such truth, I am just praying for God's heart, God's love for his people. I am praying that I will die - and Christ will live through me each second. In every word, thought and action - He will glorified and His name will be made known.

Bye bye Blankey...

This week, one of the toughest events I've had to face in a long time happened. It might seem super silly to some of you, I expect that, especially if you don't know me very well! Here is some back story:

I don't remember one day of my life without "blankey". Not one. My mother had blankey ready for me the day I came home from the hospital. And from then on out I took it everywhere. I didn't have imaginary friends, but I had blankey, which made me feel safe, secure and never alone. As I grew up, I found myself continuing to sleep with it - take it on trips, and to cherish it! Crazy, I know - why not just put it away?... I couldn't. Even into my married life I still held tight onto it. Seth would joke with me about how he thought blankey would try to strangle him when I had gotten up for the day because blankey would be wrapped around his neck. But, I secretly know he liked to use blankey as a pillow too.. ; ) Even though he'd NEVER admit that!!!

This baby blanket has been to Indonesia, Africa, Hong Kong, and all over the US. If I was there, so was it! So of course, as I traveled to Parras Mexico over spring break - blankey came. And, blankey stayed. We have no idea where - but most likely the trash - as my very loved, but worn blanket looked like a nasty rag. So, most likely, since I didn't know I was leaving it, and it doesn't look valuable at all - it is gone.

This has hurt me so deeply. I have cried, sobbed... I've had to ask myself some hard questions - because it seems ridiculous to be so upset about a thing. I feel like someone I loved dearly has died. Then I made myself ask - was this blanket a part of my identity? Am I freaking out because I feel out of control, that I don't know who I am without it? Maybe so. This blanket had been the most constant possession in my life. But, the part of me that wants to die to self every day  had to talk with that flesh. Because, no one has taken what matters most away from me - No one can take Jesus from me. He is to be my only identity, my source of comfort, joy, love, peace, security, safety. Jesus - is all I have. So, I'm trying to look into myself and see what else I hang on to so tightly, because I don't think its a good thing to hang out that tight. Not to possessions. Not even ones that aren't expensive... this blanket wasn't expensive, but to me it was my most valuable possession.

Its gone, but my hope still remains. I'm sad, yes - and if you know me - this is huge in my life. The truth is that a blanket couldn't even love/like me back - it couldn't care for me in any way... But Jesus loves me more than anyone... So I'm praying that through this, in the future, the only thing I ever cling to is my loving Savior.

So, I know that even though I'm sad, I have joy and peace. I have a love that lasts forever and cannot be taken from me. And that the Lord is so good, so kind, so merciful, so gracious. He is so good, even still.