Bye bye Blankey...

This week, one of the toughest events I've had to face in a long time happened. It might seem super silly to some of you, I expect that, especially if you don't know me very well! Here is some back story:

I don't remember one day of my life without "blankey". Not one. My mother had blankey ready for me the day I came home from the hospital. And from then on out I took it everywhere. I didn't have imaginary friends, but I had blankey, which made me feel safe, secure and never alone. As I grew up, I found myself continuing to sleep with it - take it on trips, and to cherish it! Crazy, I know - why not just put it away?... I couldn't. Even into my married life I still held tight onto it. Seth would joke with me about how he thought blankey would try to strangle him when I had gotten up for the day because blankey would be wrapped around his neck. But, I secretly know he liked to use blankey as a pillow too.. ; ) Even though he'd NEVER admit that!!!

This baby blanket has been to Indonesia, Africa, Hong Kong, and all over the US. If I was there, so was it! So of course, as I traveled to Parras Mexico over spring break - blankey came. And, blankey stayed. We have no idea where - but most likely the trash - as my very loved, but worn blanket looked like a nasty rag. So, most likely, since I didn't know I was leaving it, and it doesn't look valuable at all - it is gone.

This has hurt me so deeply. I have cried, sobbed... I've had to ask myself some hard questions - because it seems ridiculous to be so upset about a thing. I feel like someone I loved dearly has died. Then I made myself ask - was this blanket a part of my identity? Am I freaking out because I feel out of control, that I don't know who I am without it? Maybe so. This blanket had been the most constant possession in my life. But, the part of me that wants to die to self every day  had to talk with that flesh. Because, no one has taken what matters most away from me - No one can take Jesus from me. He is to be my only identity, my source of comfort, joy, love, peace, security, safety. Jesus - is all I have. So, I'm trying to look into myself and see what else I hang on to so tightly, because I don't think its a good thing to hang out that tight. Not to possessions. Not even ones that aren't expensive... this blanket wasn't expensive, but to me it was my most valuable possession.

Its gone, but my hope still remains. I'm sad, yes - and if you know me - this is huge in my life. The truth is that a blanket couldn't even love/like me back - it couldn't care for me in any way... But Jesus loves me more than anyone... So I'm praying that through this, in the future, the only thing I ever cling to is my loving Savior.

So, I know that even though I'm sad, I have joy and peace. I have a love that lasts forever and cannot be taken from me. And that the Lord is so good, so kind, so merciful, so gracious. He is so good, even still.